My baby sis...

We never know what another day will bring for us.  Saturday morning I was woke up to my phone ringing.  I am thinking soccer, but it was my dad.  So I knew something wasn't right.  When I answered he proceeded to tell me my sister was in the hospital and having trouble with blockage in her bowel.  They were sure it was cancerous and was doing surgery later that morning.  What should have taken an hour turned into three.  The tumor was attached to her old scar tissue and her bladder.  They also took some lymph nodes.  We here the results from pathology tomorrow. 
She was fine.  No problems, until three days before when she started having pain.  And it led to this.  No we don't know what a new day will bring for us.  What road we will travel.  
Thinking about my sister, brings back a flood of memories.  When she was younger, we picked on her horribly.  She was as touch as a pine knot. :)  She didn't hold back doing things because of fear, she just tried it.  And of course we always encouraged her to do things first.  ;)  I remember teaching her to ride a bike.  The only small one we had, didn't have a seat on it.  But that is what she learned to ride one on.  I can still see her going on it.  Then there was the time we decided to put the saddle on the horse that was not saddle broke.  She got on the saddle and the horse wasn't happy.  She fell off and it stepped on her right above her heart on the shoulder area.  She was the athlete in the family.  She started playing basketball at Gilmore in 6th grade.  She continued playing it right through high school.  Along with softball and volleyball.  IF she would have had time, she would have played other things.  It was a year round busyness for her.  We loved watching her play.  It gives your heart a thrill to see a loved one doing a sport.  And since I had nothing athletic about me, I was always in awe of her.  From high school she did some college and then came back home and worked here locally.  When my daughter was born, she lived with  us.  The bond between them was inseparable.  When she came home from work, my daughter met her at the door with arms in the air.  Then my son, yes she loved him just as much.  
Then came the day we lost our mom.  My sister was by her bedside when she passed away.  I guess it is selfish of me, but I have always been thankful it wasn't me that was there when she took her last breath. But I do remember her calling me that night.  It forever changed our lives.  And now, my sister is starting this battle with this nasty disease herself.  And like my mom, she is a fighter.  She is strong and doesn't give up.  It isn't in her blood to do that.  With us behind her, encouraging her and being there for her every step of the way, I know she will beat this disease.  I hate cancer!  It takes so many from us way before their time, as it did our sweet momma.  
I love you Michelle!  We all do!  We are here fighting with you and for you. Praying for God to take care of you and heal your body.  You just have to trust in him.  For we know not what tomorrow brings...

Fear...

Fear is something that will grip my heart at times and torture me into a panic attack!  It has been that way since I was a younger child.  I always worried (yes the same as fear) the my grandma would die.  She was never well and every time we would go to visit I hated to leave.  I just knew I would never see her again. But I did, over and over again.  Fear is something that will destroy you, if you let it.  It can be a daily battle unless you stay on top of it.  

When I had my daughter, I worried over every little thing.  Were my hands clean?  Was she hungry?  Was she hurting?  What had I done, bringing this precious life into this cruel nasty world!?  And on and on. Then came my son, and it was the same all over again.  They both have survived my worries and fears.  Then my mom found out she had cancer.  I remember praying and begging God not to take her so many times.  Every little thing she endured, I worried.  I feared what could be.  But the days turned into months and a few years.  We were blessed with almost another 10 years of her in our lives.  The one thing my mom always said was, worry and fear borrows from tomorrow.  And you don't know what tomorrow may bring. So why worry.  

So now here we are in this day and age, where we hear of all the horrible things going on in our country today.  Once again, it brings the fear into my heart.  Fear of what tomorrow will bring. Fear of what may happen to us.  Fear!  I hate fear!  And I have learned down through the years, that when fear raises its ugly head, I have to remind it who is in control and that IT will not control me.  And just that, brings peace to my heart.  Knowing, that God is in control.  Nothing will happen unless he lets it.  And I've read the last chapter so I know how this all works out.  I know where I am going!  I know where my future is.  

I want to share this from Joel Osteen.  I love Joel.  He always lifts me up with his teachings.  Not taking anything away from my pastors, but just an added touch into my life.  :)  

I am blessed beyond measure.  I have no reason to fear, for God is in control...

"Fear always presents itself much bigger than it really is. It’s always the worst-case scenario. It always tries to get you worried, anxious, uptight and panicked. Fear’s goal is to separate you from God by trying to get you to doubt His Word. But when the spirit of fear comes, recognize that it has no power unless you give it power. Don’t give it power by speaking what fear speaks. Don’t give it power by meditating on it. Instead, let the power of the Word of God rise up within you. Declare what God says; declare that God has given you all authority in heaven and earth. Declare that no weapon formed against you shall prosper.  Remember, no matter how big fear presents itself, it’s no match for the power of Almighty God. When you yield yourself to Him, you tap into His power. Greater is He that is in you than he that is in the world. God is bigger than your problems and bigger than fear. Let faith rise up in your heart because faith is the victory that overcomes the world."

Days gone by...

Where does the weekend go?!  The days just fly right on by.  I remember when I was in high school and would wish for the weekends.  My mom would always say, don't wish your life away.  Then it didn't matter. Now I know what she meant.  And I wish I could go back in time and to the days when things were easier.  Where life wasn't as crazy as it is now.  Where safety wasn't such an issue.  Where the hills, valleys, and creeks were our play ground.  What fun we had.  My cousins lived right up the road from us.  Our summers were full of so much fun.  No, we didn't travel here or there.  All our fun was right there on our own land.  We had ponies, bikes, barns with hay, hills to roam, creeks to explore, and so many other things to keep us busy.  We would get up in the morning, eat and leave the house.  Our parents didn't have to worry about us. We were gone till dark without a care.  Yes we had work that we did, but all of us working together got it done quick.  Then the day was ours.  All those things are now just a sweet memory that is stored in my heart.  All those small things that were really big things, that I never thought to appreciate at the time.  Days didn't go so fast (unless it was weekends or summer). ;)  The things that excited us were small compared to now.  We had to use the phone with the party lines to call people and talk.  There were no game systems, computers, internet or cable.  Just our imagination and where it would take us.  Each day was a new adventure.
I would love to go back just for a day. But I also love my life now.  I love my family and all that God has blessed me with.  God is so good - all the time...

One blessed woman...

Today I awoke from a good nights sleep.  Took my son to school and then the day was mine till it was time to pick him up.  I cam back home and laid down for a bit, got up and got ready and went out with my bff to eat and to run errands.  The whole day was mine. to do as I wanted.  That is nothing new.  It is always this way and has been for 20+ years.  From the time my dear sweet husband and I got married we decided that once we had children, I was a stay at home mom.  And I have been, still am.  The job I always wanted with the best pay in the world. Hard?  Yes at times it has been.  Rewarding?  Yes always!  This afternoon I read a blog at http://www.aholyexperience.com/2013/04/how-to-make-a-home/ .  And it really made me stop once again and thank God for all my blessings.  For a hard working husband who has never ever been lazy.  Who has always went to work and worked horrible hours.  Long, hot, cold and tireless hours.
I met this amazing man 25 years ago is May.  In September, we started dating.  Engaged on my birthday in November. Married in December.  All in the same year.  Everyone had doubts that we would ever make it.
We have climbed mountains.  We have crawled through the valleys.  We have struggled.  But through all of this we did it together, with God.  We were blessed with children 5 and 9 years after our marriage.  I stayed home to raise these babies.  I was there with them day and night.  Morning and evening, sickness and health. Fussy and laughing.  Through it all. The greatest joy of my life has been being a momma and wife.  My life long dream, that really my Cary has made happen for me.  I can't ask for more.
When we met, he was young and spry!  The years have taken a tole on his body.  His knees and back aren't what they used to be.  Driving those big mixer trucks are rough on a person.  Does he complain?  No!  I've tried to get him to take days off.  Does he?  No!  They depend on him, his customers depend on him.  And he has a family to take care of.  Those are his replies.
So each day as I rise, I thank God for giving me the precious life I have.  For my sweet children that I never thought I would have.  And especially for this man who walked into my life at its lowest point and swept me off my feet.  For him loving me through all the ups and downs.  The good, the bad.  And when I lay down at night and he is laying asleep I look over at his peaceful face and know God was watching out for me all those years ago, when he sent him into my life.  I am one blessed woman...

Everyone is not alike...

People come and go in your life.  It isn't always an easy thing to deal with, but you learn from these experiences.  Everyone comes into your life for a reason.  What you get from it, is your own reasoning of life.
Some stay a while and some pass right through.  It can be a  hard lesson to learn, knowing that so called friends are users.  That they think because they are friends they can take advantage of situations.  When they don't get what they want, they turn nasty.  They talk about you and say bad things about you.  But all of these things is what makes us stronger.  It makes us wiser and more careful.  BUT on the flip side, we should not let these kind of people keep us from meeting new friends.  Everyone is not alike.  Give people a chance.  Be good to them, see what they bring into your life.
Being a good friend doesn't mean you agree on everything.  It means you agree not to agree on things at times and just leave it alone.  Those friends that stick by you no matter what the reason is, are the true friends. The ones that weather the storms with you, laugh in the rain, cry through the rough spots, dance when no one is watching or when everyone is watching, talking and talking and talking, or sitting in complete silence and being comfortable with all of that.  I have some of those.  As always, I am blessed.
 

Friends...

Whew!  It has sure been a crazy few days.  Life will hand you some rough rows to hoe sometimes. But sticking to it and moving forward, you always come out on top.  I do think what makes things so much better is good and caring friends. Those that are there for you when times are tough.  When things go wrong, they are there to lift you up.  Make you smile and laugh.  I have some good and true friends. God has blessed my life so much with friendship.  Friends that I have had for years, a few years, and new ones too.  It lifts my heart to know that some just linger waiting till you need them and then there they are.  I am amazed at their loyalty and commitment in all things.
Make sure you let your friends know what they mean to you and how much you love and care for them. That you are there for them, just as they are for you.
Life is good...

Who moved...

The sun is shining and it feels a little warmer. That helps with so many things.  :)  

Not many know I have been working hard at getting my diabetes under control.  My Dr (God love her heart)  told me I needed to go on insulin.  I have fought that for at least 3 years.  I just keep telling her let me try again. She did.  I didn't.  Then this past December my daughter sent me a text begging me to take care of myself.  She as well as my son, had lost their grandma, my mom and it has been really rough on them.  IT was then that I knew I had to do something.  My weight was out of control. My blood pressure, cholesterol, diabetes all way out of control.  I was a time bomb waiting to explode!  Last summer I dealt with chest pain and ended up in the hospital having a heart cath done to check my heart.  PTL everything was ok.  I felt that was a good sign.  So January 1st, was my starting point.  I could have 150 carbs a day.  So that was my biggest concern, not calories or fat, but carbs.  I knew I needed to exercise too.  Here it is in the middle of winter and I need to walk.  Walmart is a wonderful place to walk when you need to stay out of the weather.  For once, I was thrilled the place was so long.  ;)  I slowly figured out what foods I could and couldn't have.  What was the best and the worst.  I tried going off the diet soda but that lasted a month.  Yes I felt better without it, but it was one of the things I really liked and so I backslid on it.  I visited my Dr. 2 months ago and she seen I had lost weight and I showed her my readings from my finger sticks.  She was very pleased and said she still wanted me to try the insulin because I was really way off on that. So she put in the order for it.  

I never did get it, it never has came in.  God knew I wouldn't need it. ;)  So today I went back for a check up.  I was down more weight, 22 lbs to be exact and my bp was 124/70.  She was even more pleased.  I was thrilled.  But what thrilled me most was that she said we were going to hold off on the insulin for now.  :))))))))))  YES!!!  So I am very happy with myself.  I know how hard it is.  I know what a daily struggle it is to make sure you eat the right things and not to much of this or that.  I haven't went without anything I like.  Ice cream?  Yes I have had that a couple of times.  Pizza, yes that too.  Beans and cornbread, yes.  All this carb filled things, yes.  I have it but I also log it into Myfitnesspal (www.myfitnesspal.com) before I eat.  When I go out to eat (Cozumels) I don't get the chips and salsa.  I order veggies and chicken breast.  It is that way everywhere I go.  BUT I log it!  I look things up on this and see what it is, is it worth that splurge?  Is it worth the carbs I will be getting out of it?   If not, then I don't have it.  Or I have 1/2 of a serving.  

It is all about taking time, being aware and never giving up.  IF I stumble, I get up and keep going.  I pray that I will be able to continue this road I am on.  I know without God guiding me, I wouldn't be able to do it. He knows I want to see my kids grown and enjoy my grand babies (one of these days!)  God is good, he is faithful and he never ever leaves us.  At my hardest and darkest times, he carries me.  I feel him around me all the time.  IF I don't, then who has moved.  It sure hasn't been him.  What would I ever do without Him there for me at all times.  Always!  I am blessed!

Days...

There are days, and then there . are . days!  This is one of the latter.  I have a hard time dealing with stupidity.  No I just don't deal with it at all.  Along with that goes know it all, pushy, and belligerent.  I have my fair share of all the above.  I guess it is just the way of some people that seemed to get on that last nerve that is dangling by a thread anyway.
There is so many things going on in this world that is much more important than others. People are heart broken, sad, grieving, saying good bye to their loved ones for the last time.  And on and on.  So many things matter and so many things don't.
I've just had a rough day.  Not that I am anything, but my heart aches for people.  For their losses, their hurts.  For all the things that life seems to dump on them.  Things that make me say HEY I am very blessed!  Very VERY blessed!  Life is to short to worry bout these minor things.
So this evening is mine.  Mine to spend with my son and let him know that he is really top priority along with his sister.  Sometimes I feel they get pushed out due to all the other work I do.  I need to start making some changes.  No one prepares us for things that happen.  But we can make the best out of things that are there while we have them.  Hug those you love tighter and closer tonight. We never know what the next day will bring us.